you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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