ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
