She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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