Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize