Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
