Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I believe in your delicious
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
