Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
