My hand turned me down
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
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nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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