he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
