You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
