I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
