I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
