Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
