I cannot find my penis.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
