Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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