remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
we should paint friendship bongs
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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