Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
