After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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