I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
