bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
