There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
