In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
