As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
