My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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