my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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