someone owes me an orgasm
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
you never un-have a 4some
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
