so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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