I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
