he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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