I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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