Banned from zoo.
Again?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
