Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
