Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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