Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
