first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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