Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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