I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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