I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
