my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
