She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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