Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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