can u get pink eye on your cock?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
