like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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