3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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