all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
