ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
