don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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