I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
