Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
