If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
