Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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