Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
