I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
