I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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