If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
