I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
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If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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