Dual....:-)
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
