brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
