you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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