this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
