dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
