are you still at the devil's house?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
