Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
