I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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