We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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