she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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