i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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