Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
