There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the condom got lost in my hair
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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