is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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