It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
