Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
