A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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