Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
