I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
