She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
