Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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