do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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