So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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