yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
