i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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