hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
