Grow some girl-balls and come out already
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
